Mmmm obscure smells. Blown out birthday candles, gasoline, permanent markers. You’d never want to smell like these things, though, right? Turns out there are some people who do. Have a whiff at ten scents that will shock and displease – or maybe please – you.

THE SMELL OF SAME-SEX MARRIAGE

Bond No. 9 Same-Sex Marriage Fragrance – What does marriage smell like? The perfumers at No. 9 might know. They’ve bottled the scent of same sex marriage, while honouring New York City, where, for over a year now, it’s been legal to wed. “Easy to wear, easy to love”, a scent to celebrate love and acceptance. The unisex scent smells like a man (sandalwood, amber) and a woman (jasmine and lily), with a spicy punch (nutmeg, mandarin). Spray Love!

THE SMELL OF APPLE GEEKERY

Air Aroma Apple Product Scented Scent – Super geeks, unite! Though it might be hard to beat the new car smell, this fragrance developed by Air Aroma embodies the smell of a new Apple product, to be precise, after you’ve opened it. Apple fans are said to recognize “the smell of plastic wrap covering the box, printed ink on the cardboard box, the smell of the paper and plastic inside the box, and of course, the aluminum laptop, which has come straight from the factory in China.” And that, my friends, was a direct quote.

THE SMELL OF GLUTTONY

BK Flame – this sounds like a name for a sexy man fragrance for a sexy man, until we learn that BK stands for Burger King, and that Flame refers to hints of meaty-burger scent, as in being on a open flame grill. In short, the scent promises a man to smell like a Whopper, and that’s not the only thing that’s whopping; 5ml bottles cost $4.

THE SMELL OF CHILDHOOD

Play Doh Scent – Don’t tell me you opened your Play Doh cans and didn’t inhale deeply. Yeah, you did. This perfume is said to capture that same fuzzy feeling. One sniff and you just know, the magic of Play Doh! Smells like fun..

PERFUME YOU SWALLOW

Swallowable Parfum – No spraying required, this capsule created by Netherlands artist Lucy McCrae promises to make you smell nice from the inside out. Coming in a pill form, just swallow and sweat. That’s right; the story is your sweat will smell like roses. Now, if they could only work on your poop…

THE SMELL OF… PEE

Eau d’Your Urine – A girl who changes her name to Cherry Tree is not to be trusted. Charity Blansit hates wasting and loves to recycle. What happens when you mix these diabolical passions? Apparently, you get perfume derived from recycled urine (something we are flushing down the toilet belongs there though, right?) Cherry Trees urine-based perfume, all smelling er, a bit different, depending on what she eats, and ferments it by adding sugar. Sorry if you’ve lost your breakfast, lunch and dinner..

THE SMELL OF SMRT

That Old Book Smell – yah, I smell books. Sometimes I don’t even read ‘em. I just smell. CB I Hate Perfume’s “In The Library” gets it. A warm blend of English novels, Russian and Morrocan leather bindings, Worn cloth and a hint of wood polish. Probably not what the crabby old librarian is wearing, but, you know..

THE SMELL OF GREASY

Garage by Comme Des Garcons – Smells like a man who’s been in the garage, working up a greasy-monkey sweat. Actual notes include laurel aldehyde, traces of kerosene, plastic florals, leather vetiver acetate and a bunch of other words I can’t easily spell or say, and that sound harmful to ingest. External use only. The packaging is weird too (is that a bag?)

THE SMELL OF STINK

Stilton Blue Cheese Perfume – Cheese! The stinker the better, right? Cheese on everything! Even your skin? I guess in retrospect, we can see why Stilton Blue Cheese perfume wasn’t quite a best seller (it’s actually discontinued) To be fair, it was a good idea, in theory. Stilton should just stick to what they do best – making cheese. Yum.

THE SMELL OF GOING PLACES

The Scent of Departure – French perfumerie Histoires de Parfums’ Gerald Chislain and Magali Senequier have created a new collectible line, dedicated to bring back home one’s unforgettable trip. So you can leave, without ever, you know, leaving. Fourteen in total (although, it would only make sense, if you had actually visited the places in your collection) Each is named after the airport code letters of the city it represents.

* Bonus: Header image is Bacon Cologne available here, if that’s what you’re into.