Don’t act like you’re not guilty of making your friends stop in their tracks so you can whip out your iPhone and obnoxiously squeal, “Hold on, let me Instagram this!” Whether you’re perched in front of a plate of fluffy #macarons, delectable #cupcakes, or another Starbucks #Frappuccino, Instagram has become the ultimate outlet for documenting all the completely original/not at all mundane things occurring in your everyday #life.
Although it is said that a picture is worth a thousand words, I will never understand how a snapshot of my pastel coloured cupcake has the capability of scratching the surface on my very complex life. Is it for nostalgic purposes? For future reflections? Is it a mean way to get back at all my friends who aren’t graced by my presence/the presence of my cute cupcake? Well, I’m not too sure, but after scrolling through my Instagram feed for no more than 10 seconds, I can already pick out a few things that I really could care less about. Like your face. And your face next to that ubiquitous cupcake.
That said, I feel the need to apologize to all my Instagram followers for months of really uninteresting photos of really uninteresting things. I’ve come to realize that there aren’t actually many subjects you can document via your iPhone camera to convey anything remotely meaningful or relevant to other people, but I am sorry nonetheless.
Also, because I unbiasedly believe that anything is one step up from uneaten food documentation, here are some of the trendiest trends/arguable faux pas in Instagram #hashtagging. Good segway? I think so.
Your Jeffrey Campbell Litas
Tired and true, I understand that Mr. Campbell’s Charles Anastase knockoffs have solidified their place in every bloggers/wannabe-bloggers closets. Often in multiples. But lettuce be honest here: they are soOOoooO 2010. So why are you still Instagramming them?? WHY? Why.
Your hair in various braids
Various clothing emblazoned with the American flag
Ideal for flag day, not so ideal for anything else.
TNA phone cases
Mirror pictures of you smiling at your TNA phone case. Pictures of your new and uninhibited TNA phone case. Pictures of you with your friends and their TNA phone cases. Multiple TNA phone cases. Why did u do this to me tho, Aritzia? Why doe? Why??
Your lip chap collection
I didn’t really think this was a thing until I searched it up, but there are quite literally 16,500 Instagrammed photos of lip chap. Um???
#OOTD: torso edition
Hey, I know your arm wasn’t long enough to get a better picture of your outfit…you’re not fooling me.
How do you expect us to respond to this? Do you want us to “like” your feet? Because we don’t. Stop stinking up our feeds. You reek of an uncomfortable situation.
There are no less than 1/4 of a million photos of Toms on Instagram, which both fills me with joy and sadness at the same time.
Your copy of Fifty Shades of Grey
Poolside, at an airport, in bed, with your friends. Don’t want to know about your ~sexy adventures~ in pornographic literature. Please?
Couldn’t contain all the pictures under one hashtag, sorry.
So, maybe we should cut the plethora of avid Instagrammers some slack. Because without their hazy pictures of arbitrary and meaningless things, what would we have to criticize? What would we do with our spare time? How would we occupy ourselves whilst out in public?? When we’re alone?!!
Aside from all the negativity that goes into picking apart Instagram trends, both you and I are well aware that the world of apps would not be the same without pictures of your feet. Thanks to Instagram’s wide array of #vintage filters, everything uninteresting and compositionally lacking suddenly becomes a bit more ¡punchy! which, from my perspective, makes the world a much better place.