You may not know this, but once upon a time Bob Dylan was in a Victoria’s Secret commercial, and Bruce Willis was in a Levis ad, and awkwardness ensued. Watch six of the best and the worst and the most downright ugly celebrity sellouts right here.
Nicole Kidman for Chanel No. 5, 2004
The cinematic commercial’s plot is as fantastical as it is visually appealing. The most famous woman in the world (played by Kidman) runs away from her privileged life, in seriously major couture nonetheless, only to be rescued by the only man in the world who doesn’t know who she is. After a secret, artsy-fartsy love affair, Kidman returns to her reality as a celebrity, leaving only the memory of her perfume behind with her French man. Now that’s a fairytale, ladies and gents.
Charlize Theron for Dior J’Adore, 2011
Kissing cheeks with famous faces like Grace Kelly, Mariene Dietrich and Marilyn Monroe, Dior’s commercial not only cements Charlize’s place as a true Hollywood movie star, but platforms the South American beauty’s allure in a way that is unachievable by any other human being. Words can never express the magnitude of my lady boner for Charlize right now.
Bruce Willis for Levis, 1984
In and around the time of his Broadway buff beginnings, Willis appeared in a Levis commercial, featuring a montage of what the “cool” kids of the ‘80s would have done in their 501 Levi’s jeans (the subjective word here being ‘cool,’ as it appears in equally subjective quotation marks). For Willis (FYI: he’s the one dressed in yellow) one of these things includes gallivanting like a moron. But it could have been worse. At least our favourite Die Hard badass isn’t the one flexing non-existent muscles in a belly-baring crop top (see at 14 seconds – ie: much worse).
Miranda Kerr for Lipton Tea, 2012
It might not be a fashion-related commercial, but Kerr’s fashionista status merits enough worth to guarantee her latest bizarre Lipton commercial a spot on this list – WHY ARE THESE COMMERCIALS SO WEIRD?! Newly released in Japan, the sexy Victoria’s Secret model, clad in an itsy-bitsy yellow getup as one of Santa’s helpers, retrieves an ice tea from an unidentifiable creature after, presumably, a sleigh crash. Miss Orlando Bloom than breaks out into song (not dance – she doesn’t move, not even once, from the only pose she knows), and glares deep into the camera’s core as if to say, “Yes, I’m Miranda Kerr. Yes I’m singing. And like you, I have no idea what the ‘eff is going on.”
Tom Brady for UGG, 2011
In an effort to increase its male market presence, UGG released a commercial earlier last year which featured New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady galloping on the streets, playing fetch with his dog and soulfully smoldering at the camera, all whilst wearing the butt-UGG-ly shoes. It’s just very awkward, and not at all attractive. His only saving grace is the Mos Def soundtrack, because when I watch it without sound, I don’t care that he’s shacking with Gisele – if ever you were hesitant to question his sexuality, now would be the time.
Bob Dylan for Victoria’s Secret, 2004
Poor Bob Dylan. Worn out rocker flushing his cultured talent down the toilet all in the name of exposure. It’s not like he never shared a room with a beautiful model in his heyday, so the only purpose for this collaboration that makes sense (on his end) is to remind the mom’s who are paying for their daughter’s first big-girl bra that he still exists. Unless it’s some practical joke, which, turns out, isn’t really funny considering the store that prides itself on being youthful, sexy and glamorous, was indeed also selling a mix CD of his songs. Let’s get one thing straight: I listen to Bob Dylan and I shop at Victoria’s Secret. Just not at the same time. Because 60-something, folksinger Bob is not the kind of guy I have in mind when shopping for my intimates. Now if it was Robert Plant, that’s a different story.